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wolfpurplemoonPeople often confuse “having children” with “being a grown-up”. For Marie Phillips, who has decided not to have children, unlearning that cliché took work
When my nieces and nephews were much younger, I sometimes asked them whether they thought I was an adult or a child. The answer was always the same: a child – even though my first nephew was born when I was 30. Similarly, when my boyfriend turned up alone at his sister's house for the first time after breaking up with his previous partner, his little niece asked him where his mother was.
In the eyes of a small child, an adult is a parent. If you don't have children, you must be a child yourself. When we grow up, we don't entirely rid ourselves of that notion. People without children are often portrayed as floating along in a perpetual adolescence, all fun and irresponsibility until they are ready to settle down and get on with the proper, adult business of raising kids. The cliché about people who don't have children is that they are selfish, unable to put someone else's needs before their own, and that this selfishness is a sign of immaturity – they do not, and should not, have children because they are too childlike themselves. And yet, were they to have children, they would find that this selfishness and immaturity would instantly disappear.
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When my nieces and nephews were much younger, I sometimes asked them whether they thought I was an adult or a child. The answer was always the same: a child – even though my first nephew was born when I was 30. Similarly, when my boyfriend turned up alone at his sister's house for the first time after breaking up with his previous partner, his little niece asked him where his mother was.
In the eyes of a small child, an adult is a parent. If you don't have children, you must be a child yourself. When we grow up, we don't entirely rid ourselves of that notion. People without children are often portrayed as floating along in a perpetual adolescence, all fun and irresponsibility until they are ready to settle down and get on with the proper, adult business of raising kids. The cliché about people who don't have children is that they are selfish, unable to put someone else's needs before their own, and that this selfishness is a sign of immaturity – they do not, and should not, have children because they are too childlike themselves. And yet, were they to have children, they would find that this selfishness and immaturity would instantly disappear.
Read More