[sticky entry] Sticky: Welcome to Childfree!

Jun. 2nd, 2017 02:22 pm
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Introduce yourself here - I'm a 32 year old British cis woman in a long term relationship and am steadfastly childfree and have no plans to ever change my mind on that!

I'd love to see posts about your experiences as a childfree person, how you deal with the inevitable bingoes (especially if you are married/in a LTR) and any rants and raves you have about negotiating a world that seems to worship pregnancy and parenthood. Hey even let us know all the fun things you get up to that you couldn't manage with a kid or two in tow!

One thing I ask though is no slurs against people who have children or against the children themselves, there are some especially nasty stuff slung at parents, especially mothers and we'll have none of that sort of misogyny (and sometimes racism tbh) here.

[sticky entry] Sticky: Childfree Survey

Jun. 2nd, 2017 02:24 pm
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Answer as many Qs as you wish in the comments :)

Do you dislike children?

Why did you opt out of parenthood?

Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?

What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?

Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?

Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice?

How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?

What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received?

Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?

(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?

Is your current partner Childfree as well?

Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?

Define parenthood in one word

Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?

Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?

Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit?

Is it hard to find a Child-free partner?

Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?

Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?

Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?

What is the best part about being Child-Free?
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Filmmaker Therese Shechter on why Ivanka is wrong to say “most important job any woman can have is being a mother”

n a culture that glorifies motherhood and obsesses over baby bumps, from Kate Middleton’s to whether Khloé Kardashian looks “visibly pregnant,” filmmaker Therese Shechter wants to explore a different kind of life: the child-free one. The director of documentaries "How to Lose Your Virginity" and "I Was a Teenage Feminist" is currently running a Kickstarter campaign to fund her next movie, "My So-Called Selfish Life," billed as a “film about not having kids in a culture where motherhood feels mandatory.”

(Read More
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Complete strangers think it's their job to question my choice. And, frankly, I'm bitter about that.

I don’t tell everyone that I don’t want children. Not because I don’t want to advocate for choice, autonomy, or living however you want to live. I don’t tell everyone because whether or not I want to be a mother is no one’s business.

Yet, on a weekly basis, countless strangers not only ask me if I want kids, but expect that I justify my response.

While I didn’t struggle with my decision to have a tubal ligation at age 31, I have struggled to understand my place in a society that’s consistently asking me to defend a private decision that does not involve them.

Read more
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Honestly, I did not deliberately set out to to be child-free. But at the age of 42, I feel fairly certain that I will not have children. Years ago, this would have been very hard for me to admit to in public — or even to myself. But there you have it.

I had never been one of those women who could confidently state that motherhood did not appeal to her, or that kids weren’t for her. To me, that mindset seemed too final, too black and white. It didn’t leave any room for possibility in the future. Plus, it was simply untrue for me. I love kids. My heart melts around babies. I am extremely maternal.

At the same time, though, I had also never been one of those women who knew with 100% certainty that she needed to have children, or that her life would be incomplete without them.

I didn’t want to set myself up for any kind of absolutes. If something didn’t work out the way I’d planned (which is often what happens when you are a human being), then I would be left emotionally devastated and unable to see all the other good things in my life.

So, I lived in the gray area. read more
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
A documentary about choosing to be childfree in a culture where motherhood feels mandatory.

wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Farter Figures hits double figures! It was a different topic for the milestone episode, as the show looks at men deciding not to be dads! I speak to two child free men who share their very different reasons and thoughts about the decision. I also discuss society's responses to child free men with Dr Bronwyn Harman from Edith Cowan University.

Although childless households will be the norm in Australian society soon, becoming a dad and having kids is still considered the normal thing to do. Do we just need to accept everyone is different? Have a listen and decide for yourself.

Listen here
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
The child-free or childless shouldn’t have to field intrusive questions from parents

World Childless Week was created by a British woman, Stephanie Phillips, as a way of highlighting the experiences of people who are unable to have children. Not to be confused with those who are childless by choice – the “child-free”, as some say.

Seemingly worlds apart, they share a vexed similarity. Of course, most people each group encounters are probably just interested and kind. Less helpfully, the childless can sometimes find themselves tormented by invasive, agonising questions, while the child-free can end up being ruthlessly interrogated about the “strange” decision they’ve made.

Read more

This writer hits several nails on their heads in this column!
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
I’m over 50. I don’t have kids. And you would not believe the clumsy, insensitive and at times cruel things that have been said to me, not only by strangers but also family and so-called friends.

As someone who did want kids, it’s especially infuriating – and if you think that your childless friends aren’t also infuriated, then they just haven’t let you see it. I know they are, because as someone who has written a lot about this subject, I’ve had plenty of people contact me privately to thank me for doing so.

I know (most) people are just trying to make their childless (I can’t embrace the word ‘childfree’ yet) friends and loved ones feel better. Just trying to help and soothe. And that is kind and appreciated and lovely. Thank you.

I know how hard it is to see someone you love in this kind of pain, especially if you feel embarrassed and awkward because you do have children. It’s one of those situations, yes, where you feel you can’t say the right thing.

And that is sort of true. But if you can avoid saying any of the following, then at least you’re not going to make things worse. So here goes... (read more)

I wanted to share because the woman who wrote this article has a slightly different point of view to many here, as she did want kids but never had them, but she still suffers from the interfering busybodies in her life constantly questioning and trying to "help".
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Many doctors in Canada are hesitant to sterilize women under 30, even though professional guidelines recommend 'permanent contraception' be offered regardless of age

Dr. Dustin Costescu’s name appears on a list of doctors on a Reddit forum willing to perform what many others apparently will not: “tubals” — permanent sterilization — on 20-something women convinced they do not want to have children, ever.

Costescu, a family planning specialist and assistant professor at Hamilton’s McMaster University, says any woman wishing to prevent pregnancy permanently, and who has no contraindications, or medical reasons why she shouldn’t be sterilized, should be considered appropriate for the procedure.

In fact, Canadian professional guidelines are clear: In a well-informed, mentally competent woman who understands her birth control options and the “permanency of the procedure,” sterilization should be offered regardless of age or parity, meaning whether or not she’s given birth, Costescu and his co-author Dr. Dylan Ehman write in an article published online ahead of print in the Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology of Canada.

However, “many women who desire sterilization at a young age experience barriers from physicians who decline to facilitate the request,” they report.

Read More
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[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
The owner of a cafe with a no children under 12 policy has hit back at critics calling for a boycott of his shop.

The Chart Room, in Brixham, Devon is an ocean-liner themed coffee lounge which also houses antiques and collectables.

Bob Higginson said it was designed for people to experience the "opulence and splendour of early steamship travel without distraction".

But resident Wendy Moore said she would be boycotting the cafe, and calling on others to do so.

"Can anyone tell me just what kind of town we're living in when dogs are allowed into an establishment and children are not?" she wrote.

"Who on earth does this Bob Higginson think he is? Would he ban disabled people from entering his premises? Or people of a particular race or colour or religion? I'll bet my bottom dollar he wouldn't; he'd be frightened to death to do so." read more

Wendy, not allowing children into a cafe is not the same as discriminating against disabled people, people of a certain race or religion etc. There are lots of places where children aren't allowed as well as plenty of places you can take your children, adults are allowed a quiet place to go without children!

If this place was a bit closer to me I'd definitely pop in for a cup of tea to support this guy!
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Many women in their 30s and 40s will be faced with the same question at some point: "When are you going to have children?"

They also have to deal with the societal pressures of being child-free.

Ruth Betteridge, Emma Yates-Badley and Lizzie Lowrie are in their 30s and are all child-free for different reasons.

Ruth had a hysterectomy last year after being diagnosed with cervical cancer, Lizzie has had multiple miscarriages and Emma simply doesn’t want children.

The three women shared their stories with 5 live, and discussed what being child-free means to them.

Watch Video Here
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
People often confuse “having children” with “being a grown-up”. For Marie Phillips, who has decided not to have children, unlearning that cliché took work

When my nieces and nephews were much younger, I sometimes asked them whether they thought I was an adult or a child. The answer was always the same: a child – even though my first nephew was born when I was 30. Similarly, when my boyfriend turned up alone at his sister's house for the first time after breaking up with his previous partner, his little niece asked him where his mother was.

In the eyes of a small child, an adult is a parent. If you don't have children, you must be a child yourself. When we grow up, we don't entirely rid ourselves of that notion. People without children are often portrayed as floating along in a perpetual adolescence, all fun and irresponsibility until they are ready to settle down and get on with the proper, adult business of raising kids. The cliché about people who don't have children is that they are selfish, unable to put someone else's needs before their own, and that this selfishness is a sign of immaturity – they do not, and should not, have children because they are too childlike themselves. And yet, were they to have children, they would find that this selfishness and immaturity would instantly disappear.

Read More
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
In 2017, there’s still a societal expectation that women will have children, but in reality, womanhood is not synonymous with motherhood.

The most recent government statistics on family size show that just 9% of women born in 1946 had no children. In comparison, 17% of women born in 1970 (currently aged 47) have no children today.

Recent reports indicate that this trend shows no sign of slowing down, with the number of women without children predicted to rise. So isn’t it about time we stopped grilling women on their plans to become parents?

There are a plethora of reasons why a woman may not have children, ranging from personal choice to medical circumstance, and each one of these reasons is equally deserving of discretion and respect.

Here, seven women share their unique stories on living without children to make you think twice before you ask: “So, when are you going to have kids?”

Read More
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Nothing could have prepared me for the invasiveness I face about my fertility plans as a married woman in my late 30s.

What was once an occasional topic of conversation five years ago when I first dated Mike, now my husband, has become a full-blown speculative crisis since we tied the knot in April.

I understand the concern. In our youth, many of us were taught, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage.” There’s no asterisk after the ditty clarifying “these milestones might never be accomplished in this order, or at all.”

Well-meaning relatives touch my arm and ask when we’ll start a family. I bristle at the suggestion, as if me, my sweet fella and our delightful cat aren’t already a complete family. Their faces drop when I break the news that we plan to be child-free.

Read more
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
I saw this guy's post in the childfree tag on tumblr and I couldn't help but respond (apparently I'm in a "correct people who are wrong on the internet" mood cos I annoyed someone on twitter yesterday on a different topic, oops!)

cut for smug parent and tldr posts )
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon

I only found out today that there is an international childfree day and that it is today! They award a childfree woman and childfree man of the year and they've just announced the winners.
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Humans could become extinct if sperm counts in men continue to fall at current rates, a doctor has warned.

Researchers assessing the results of nearly 200 studies say sperm counts among men from North America, Europe, Australia, and New Zealand, seem to have halved in less than 40 years.

Some experts are sceptical of the Human Reproduction Update findings.

But lead researcher Dr Hagai Levine said he was "very worried" about what might happen in the future.

The assessment brings together the results of 185 studies between 1973 and 2011, one of the largest ever undertaken.

Dr Levine, an epidemiologist, told the BBC that if the trend continued humans would become extinct.

Read More

Aside from the doubts expressed in this article by other scientists, they haven't taken into account the fact that not every person even wants to have children, I wonder whether childfree people or people with low sperm counts will have a bigger effect on the possibility of human extinction.

And also I can't say I particularly care if people stop having children and that leads to a severely reduced population tbh.
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon

On nights out, I sometimes catch myself watching my child-free friends. I clock the ease and insouciance of their movements. When they chug a sixth gin and cranberry juice, dance freely without realizing it's 3:00 a.m., catch the midnight showing of a new movie, roll yet another cigarette, or make plans with someone they just met at the bar, they are beautifully impulsive. They have no one to think about but themselves.

My friends remind me of a version of myself that existed only a year ago. Although I worked full time, my out-of-office life was not too different from theirs. I was still the epicenter of my own existence, and proudly so.

(Read More)

Always nice to have a reminder of what you'll lose if you have a child.
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
I like to say that I am ‘child-free’ and not ‘child-less’. The latter implies physiological inability to have kids, a difficult and painful situation for those who want children. It carries all the weight of judgment and pity that lakhs of Indian women (and men) grapple with.

Then there is child-free. An option to live without kids, by choice. As an Indian woman, I rarely get the chance to forget that it is ‘the road less travelled’.

Read morea
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
In America and around the world, another specific group of people greatly value the experience of freedom as well. These are people who are childfree – they have no children by choice. Over the years, I’ve surveyed the childfree on many topics, and one in particular asked respondents to get to the core of the reason they are childfree. I asked people to answer this question: If you could sum up the reason you are childfree in one word, what would it be?

article here


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