10 things never to say to a childless woman over 50 - believe me

[wolfpurplemoon]

I’m over 50. I don’t have kids. And you would not believe the clumsy, insensitive and at times cruel things that have been said to me, not only by strangers but also family and so-called friends.

As someone who did want kids, it’s especially infuriating – and if you think that your childless friends aren’t also infuriated, then they just haven’t let you see it. I know they are, because as someone who has written a lot about this subject, I’ve had plenty of people contact me privately to thank me for doing so.

I know (most) people are just trying to make their childless (I can’t embrace the word ‘childfree’ yet) friends and loved ones feel better. Just trying to help and soothe. And that is kind and appreciated and lovely. Thank you.

I know how hard it is to see someone you love in this kind of pain, especially if you feel embarrassed and awkward because you do have children. It’s one of those situations, yes, where you feel you can’t say the right thing.

And that is sort of true. But if you can avoid saying any of the following, then at least you’re not going to make things worse. So here goes... (read more)

I wanted to share because the woman who wrote this article has a slightly different point of view to many here, as she did want kids but never had them, but she still suffers from the interfering busybodies in her life constantly questioning and trying to "help".

Comments

[underused]

The "look on the bright side" person was AWFUL: ‘We’re in the same position,’ she said. ‘And I’m happy. It’s about attitude.’

I have zero patience for people who compare subjective reactions to experiences. It's like saying, "You can't be cold because I'm not cold." Er, what?

[wolfpurplemoon]

Yeah, also people who think that people who are depressed just need to "think happy thoughts"

(funny though that you mention the cold as an example cos my girlfriend and me always disagree over the temperature XD - her: *feels chilly so puts on heating* me: *overheating already and now dying*)

[underused]

I can't rant enough about positive thinking BS. Telling someone who's depressed they can change their mood on dime suggests they just don't *want* to be happy. There's already enough stigma around mental health without making unhappiness a personal failure. Infuriating.

Haha, the hot/cold thing is running theme in my life. When I was young, my mother would say, "I'm cold; put on a sweater." Then years ago I lived in a cold apartment with expensive heating. My roommate would say, "I'm cold," and I'd say, "No you're not," bc I didn't want our bills to go up. And then a few years ago I had to stay with my MIL. She'd keep the heat at about 15 C. (!) When I put on extra sweaters she'd give me this look, like, "you poor delicate flower." Haha.

[wolfpurplemoon]

this all sounds very familiar XD

[thedaughteroftyr]

"None or your business mate, just give me my change..." sounds like something I have said.

People are crass assholes at the best of times.

If I was in this situation I may well have ensured happy dance lady never danced again.

I feel for this woman. What is my choice was not hers and the comments and questions become even more hurtful. Sorry love. I hope you find things that bring you joy despite it.