childfree | What I wish people understood about my reasons for not having children

Honestly, I did not deliberately set out to to be child-free. But at the age of 42, I feel fairly certain that I will not have children. Years ago, this would have been very hard for me to admit to in public — or even to myself. But there you have it.

I had never been one of those women who could confidently state that motherhood did not appeal to her, or that kids weren’t for her. To me, that mindset seemed too final, too black and white. It didn’t leave any room for possibility in the future. Plus, it was simply untrue for me. I love kids. My heart melts around babies. I am extremely maternal.

At the same time, though, I had also never been one of those women who knew with 100% certainty that she needed to have children, or that her life would be incomplete without them.

I didn’t want to set myself up for any kind of absolutes. If something didn’t work out the way I’d planned (which is often what happens when you are a human being), then I would be left emotionally devastated and unable to see all the other good things in my life.

So, I lived in the gray area. read more