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childfree2017-06-02 02:24 pm
wolfpurplemoon) wrote in childfree2017-06-02 02:24 pm
Childfree Survey
Answer as many Qs as you wish in the comments :)
Do you dislike children?
Why did you opt out of parenthood?
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?
Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice?
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?
What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received?
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
Is your current partner Childfree as well?
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?
Define parenthood in one word
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?
Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit?
Is it hard to find a Child-free partner?
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?
Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?
What is the best part about being Child-Free?
Do you dislike children?
Why did you opt out of parenthood?
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?
Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice?
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?
What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received?
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
Is your current partner Childfree as well?
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?
Define parenthood in one word
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?
Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit?
Is it hard to find a Child-free partner?
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?
Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?
What is the best part about being Child-Free?
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Do you dislike children? Not by default... but I dislike most people in general so they need to be a pretty cool mini human. Just don't touch me you little germ factories and we'll get along fine.
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?
Lately I've been getting more positive responses when it does come up. But it's not something I readily offer up as a topic of conversation. Up until recently I would get a lot of "you're so young" "you'll change your mind" or "no kids? YET!"
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
Fuck No.
Is your current partner Childfree as well?
He is.
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?
My nurturing and love is intended for my cats. Intended for... for fucksake.
Is it hard to find a Child-free partner?
Not if you're practicing open and honest communication. Don't waste your own time or someone else's if you disagree on the subject of kids.
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?
I'm childfree because it reads more as a choice (which for me it is).
Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?
When appropriate. But I also encourage people to vote. Get screened for STIs, and take care of their shit in general.
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?
Right because that's what kids are for...
What is the best part about being Child-Free?
Everything.
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Why did you opt out of parenthood? I never really thought about it much until I was in a LTR and then realised it wasn't something I particularly wanted to do for health reasons, money reasons and dealing with everything involved.
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision? Well my mum always stressed how important it is to not get accidentally pregnant and how it will ruin your life, so while I kind of assumed I'd probably have kids one day it wasn't something I felt terribly strongly about.
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives? Yes, my aunt (my mum's youngest sister) is now in her 50s and has a happy house made up of her, her fiancé (they've been together for a very long time without getting married) and their three dogs and a few other pets! She's kinda my rolemodel!
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting? The closest person to me who has been pregnant is my cousin, we're around the same age, and though she is married I don't think their little boy was actually planned so I was worried for them when I found, they seem to be all doing well now and they are a great family.
What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received? An incredibly intrusive person asked whether I'd donate my eggs, I don't really agree with IVF so definitely would never do that
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision? I'm pretty happy with it so no regrets!
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant? No, it's so damaging to your body and dangerous
Is your current partner Childfree as well? Yes
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children? Definitely, in fact I'd argue that it's easier
Define parenthood in one word. Stress
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not? No because I'm very impatient
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)? I don't currently have pets but I definitely dote on them when I do! (yeah don't like the implication of "intended for" there)
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless? Childfree
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old? Not at the moment
What is the best part about being Child-Free? My money and my body are my own
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Gah that person re: IVF/eggs I'd lose my cool with almost anyone who asked something so invasive.
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Do you dislike children?
Not so much "dislike" as "am perplexed by," ha.
Why did you opt out of parenthood?
I just never opted in--it was never a desire or priority.
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?
"Do you think you will?" Which is amusing, as it means people really miscalculate my age.
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?
They never pressured us. Later in life my mom said she was sad she never had grand children, but she was very clear her feelings were about her, and not disappointment in our decisions. She always knew our choices about kids or relationships weren't hers to make. Both my parents were great that way.
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?
I have three siblings and we're all child free. My uncle, too, and a couple of aunts. My closest friend is militantly proud of it. She's kickass.
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?
I'm happy if they're happy. Although I dread picture time. ☺
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?
Nope.
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
NOPE.
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?
Definitely.
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?
If I have a job to do, I tend to be conscientious and thorough, so yes, I guess. I don't see it as much different from any other ambitious task. Is that weird?
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?
I do. The love I give them is definitely "intended" for them. ha.
Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit?
I rarely travel and I'm not hyper-ambitious.
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?
To be really honest, I'd rather neither. I can see why people prefer the former, though.
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?
Yep. But mostly because options for elder care are a mess for everyone. I don't know having kids necessarily changes that.
What is the best part about being Child-Free?
I'm happy I never felt like I had to choose a path I didn't want. Also, chips for dinner. ☺
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Why did you opt out of parenthood? I can not see myself being happy and having children. I like my life how it is. And I think having children would cause my mental health issues to flare up. I also have physical health issues which I feel would make having children harder for me. I do not cope well at all with lack of sleep and have no tolerance for noise or chaos. I also think the maternity leave system is utterly sexist, and even if it were not for all the other reasons, I feel like I would not choose to have children unless shared parental leave was available.
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision? No.
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free? The assumption that I'll change my mind or that having kids will happen to me by accident.
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives? My sister-in-law and her husband are also child-free.
Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice? I have been shocked by how many people don't seem to see it as a choice and
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting? It depends on who it is and what the circumstances are, but sometimes it's dread. Not because I dislike children, but I dislike the social norms when people have children. Like how you're expected to buy presents, coo over the baby etc.
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision? Nope.
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant? Nope.
Is your current partner Childfree as well? Yes.
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children? Yes, very possible. It's also possible to have a fulfilling life without children!
Is it hard to find a Child-free partner? I've no idea. I didn't find it too difficult. But then I met my partner via online dating.
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless? Child-Free
What is the best part about being Child-Free? Peace and quiet.
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Yes and no. I dislike babies and toddlers. Between toddlers and teenagers it depends mostly on the child. Teenagers I get along with just fine, and I think part of that is because I don't treat them like kids.
Why did you opt out of parenthood?
Two main reasons. First, I'm adopted, and my parents were 35 years old when they brought me home, and that age gap caused cascading problems down the years. I didn't want to wait that long, but in my early 20s I knew very well that I wasn't ready to take on parenthood yet. Between those two conditions, it was obvious that having kids was just not an option. Second... I mentioned cascading problems with my parents. I had no role model for doing it well, and I don't consider a child's life to be something you gamble with.
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?
See above. My parents and I were basically on the outs from about the time I hit puberty, and this did not fill me with confidence in my ability to raise a child myself. I kept thinking, "What if I had a child who was as alien to me as I am to them?" and I didn't think I'd handle that well at all.
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?
From people I know reasonably well, not much pushback -- especially since a lot of my social circle is also made up of childfree people. IME it's worse from total strangers, and I never hesitated to swing back HARD when they started up.
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?
My cousin B (the only person in my remaining family with whom I'm in contact) is childfree. I've never asked why; that's none of my business. Of my friends, most of them are childfree. This is partly because parents don't have time to socialize, so we lose contact.
Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice?
That depends a lot on how you're raised. More people are aware of it now than they used to be, that's for sure!
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?
If I know they've been wanting a child, I'm happy for them. If not, I remain neutral. If they seem to be unsure, I will sometimes offer myself as a sympathetic and non-judgmental ear to talk about their feelings and fears with.
What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received?
I don't think I've ever had one that wasn't same-old-same-old.
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?
No. And if I were, it's 20 years too late for that.
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
No. I saw people around me go thru it, and even if they enjoyed it I could never understand why.
Is your current partner Childfree as well?
No, he has a daughter from a previous marriage. But he was emphatic that he did not want another child, and she was old enough when we got together that it wasn't a problem. She and I are on good terms. My ex was childfree, and AFAIK has continued to be.
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?
Absolutely.
Define parenthood in one word
Commitment.
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?
No, I don't think I would. I don't like babies/young children, and I don't have the patience to deal with the million-and-one frustrations of parenthood competently.
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?
Yes, I have pets. No, I think the whole "substitution/transference" thing is a load of horseshit -- a rationalization made up by (some) people who have children so that they can feel superior to us without any evidence for it.
Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit?
I'm not a man-hating lesbian whore.
Is it hard to find a Child-free partner?
I don't think it's as hard now as it used to be. When I was dating my ex, the fact that he didn't want children was a HUGE point in his favor; back then, it was easy enough to find men who didn't want children "right now", but much harder to find one willing to say he didn't want children at all. When we divorced, I knew that finding another childfree partner in my age group would be very difficult, and decided to evaluate possible candidates on a case-by-case basis.
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?
Definitely "childfree", because I don't feel is as a lack or a loss.
Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?
Only if/when it comes up in conversation. I don't believe in evangelizing people.
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?
If we had a civilized health care and retirement system, I wouldn't be. (Ask me sometime about my hypothesis of how our current system benefits abusive families, if you feel like reading a long and angry essay!) As it is... I hope for the best and try not to think about it too much, because I still wouldn't have had children for that reason.
What is the best part about being Child-Free?
Not having to coordinate everything I do around everyone else's schedule!
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them puts them off being parents themselves just in case they turn in to their parents.
here I go (egoistical)
No, not at all. There are many cool and lovely ones among them - and, of course, annoying and unkind ones too. Just like adults are not the same.
"Why did you opt out of parenthood?"
Having grown up with an abusive mother with Münchausen syndrome by proxy and experiencing hatred and neglect from my father did not give the best motivation - this is the selfish reason.
The planet is overpopulated. When there are 200 candidates applying to the same job, then... I think there are more than enough people here. The Earth cannot provide enough food and shelter for everyone :(
"Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?"
See the above answer.
"What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?"
Sometimes they are surprised. Sometimes they come with predictions like "Just wait until you expect your first child and you will not understand your earlier self".
"Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?"
Yes. My love's brother and his wife chose to not have children, too.
"Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice?"
Unfortunately, no :( As far as I see, people seem to feel obliged to procreate. I actually know certain individuals who suffer quite badly in the parent role.
"How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?"
I feel terrible. I see that their lives are over, I do understand that we will have less time to spend together, I do understand that becoming a parent will demand all the energy and time they have.
But of course I try to be polite and positive. I express good wishes.
"Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?"
No. I might get a cat.
"Is your current partner Childfree as well?"
Yes, and we completely agree in the whole childfree thing.
"Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?"
Yes it is. I don't think the relationship's quality depends on having kids or not having kids. An unhappy relationship or marriage will never be fixed by having kids, and - if both partners wish to become parents - kids will probably not destroy the harmony.
"Define parenthood in one word"
BLÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆHHHHH!
(Sorry. I know this was a stupid answer.)
"Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?"
No. I am very immature and childish.
"Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?"
Not at the moment. I used to have ferrets and they were almost as terrible as having kids :), but I really loved them and sometimes still miss them (ferrets don't live longer than 8...10 years). I transferred the nurturing and love that was intended for these naughty mustelids unto them :)
"Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit?"
I know very little about the mentioned stereotypes, so I am not sure.
"Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?"
I really don't mind what terminology you use :)
"Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?"
Yes, sometimes I do.
"Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?"
Not really. It is not even sure that I will live that long.
"What is the best part about being Child-Free?"
Having enough time. Not having to play that I am a responsible adult, not having to act as a role model.
Re: here I go (egoistical)
Re: here I go (egoistical)
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Yes, sort-of; it's more that I dislike immature people, a category which many children (and adults) fall into.
Why did you opt out of parenthood?
I don't have the patience, money, or good health to be a parent. There are too many people on this planet already. The culture that I've encountered in the US of motherhood/expectation that strangers adore your brats is atrocious.
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?
No, my parents and grandparents were and always have been children-focused, supportive, etc. My mother babysat for a handful of toddlers when I was growing up, which is when I started to discover I just could not relate to them. My sister who had the same experiences does want children.
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?
That I'll change my mind and find the right man. Literally people I've known for less than 30 seconds (specifically doctors/nurses where this info is relevant) tell me this, making assumptions about my sexuality, relationship status, and thinking they know my own mind better than I do with a single statement.
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?
Of my 6 aunts and uncles, only 1 has kids, the others mostly clear they didn't want kids for ages. Even though I "knew" this growing up, it didn't occur to me until I was nearly 18 that I could actually make that choice for myself (and it was because I encountered a CF comm on LJ). It was such a relief when that realization hit!
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?
Mostly disappointed unless I was expecting it, but either way I plaster on a happy face. It's not that I'm not happy for them, knowing they want kids, it's just that I cannot relate at all to the desire, and I know from experience it's going to cause a distancing in our relationship.
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?
Nope.
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
Hell no. My body would not be able to handle it.
Is your current partner Childfree as well?
Yes.
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?
100%
Define parenthood in one word
Responsibility
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?
Maybe, because I'm a perfectionist and would do all the research, although there's no easy answers often to being a parent and that ambiguity would be bad for me. And there's no guarantee all the "right" things would lead to a well-functioning child. And I would completely stress 24/7 and lose who I am in the process, so no thank you.
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?
Yes; no. I dote on my cat and treat her like the princess she is, but it is a very different relationship from parenting.
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?
Child-free. Less for me implies I'm lacking something I want, which I'm not.
Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?
If anything I just try to correct/point out wording people use if they're ignoring the possibility of other valid choices in general conversation.
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?
No.
What is the best part about being Child-Free?
Having peace of mind, being able to disconnect from everything and have significant time to myself, not having to deal with the 24/7 logistics of care and upbringing for another being, the money I can spend on books instead.
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Not at all. I'm kind of an auntie figure to my best friend's kid. He's great. I have a lot of empathy for children and believe in doing right by them. I just also like knowing I don't have to be surrounded by them 24/7 . . . which, honestly, is just my attitude toward most people, of all ages, in general.
Why did you opt out of parenthood?
There are a lot of reasons. I don't think it's a sound decision given my current financial status, I don't think I'm psychologically equipped to raise a child in a way that would allow that child to thrive, I'm really really put off by the idea of pregnancy, I lack any special adoration of babies (like, they're cute, but I don't get any desire to have one when I see one), I'm critical of bringing more children into the world given the massive global issues we're facing re: climate change and socio-political unrest, and I spent a lot of my own childhood feeling responsible for the adults in my life, so I kind of feel like in some ways I want my adulthood to be a reclamation of the childhood I never really got to enjoy. That means getting to live for myself, not someone else.
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?
Kind of, yeah. My parents weren't . . . happy. My brother and I were both wanted (sort of -- my mom really wanted kids, my dad didn't seem to mind either way. I was sort of a "happy accident"), but their marriage was never great and I've always felt like if they'd never had me, they'd have broken up and had better lives. Or at least they wouldn't have been as bad off financially, which might have helped their relationship. There were other problems, too, but that's what I feel comfortable sharing in a public post.
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?
When it comes to people I'm close with, they're pretty accepting. Other folks tend to be of the "Oh, you'll change your mind" or "You'll change your tune for the right man" sort of attitude.
Then there's the dudes who are actively trying to suss out if I'm single by asking if I have kids and moving in from there. "Whaaaat? Why don't you have kids?! How does your husband feel about that? Whaaaaaaat? How do you not have a husband or boyfriend?!" I swear, next time I get dragged into one of those conversations, I'm telling him I'm married to the sea.
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?
One of my best friends is childfree. At least one of my coworkers is staunchly childfree as well, and a couple others seem at least contentedly un-childed at present. I'm in good company. :)
Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice?
I think they're aware of it on a surface level, but tend to just kind of . . . treat it as one of the life milestones you're supposed to hit.
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?
Happy for them, if it's what they want.
What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received?
Can't say I can think of anything specifically ridiculous, myself. Nothing weirder than anything I mentioned above, anyway.
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?
Not really. There are plenty of directions my life could have gone and I don't really have any regrets about not having gone in those directions, either. My life is what I make of it, and I accept whatever comes. I'm honestly even still kind of open to adoption, if I end up with a partner who really really wants kids and can prove to me they'll be a good co-parent and not leave everything up to me.
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE PREGNANCY IS NO. Like, there's a tiny, tiny part of me that's morbidly curious about what it's like, but the rest of me is just NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE and the tiny curious part isn't that curious.
Is your current partner Childfree as well?
Currently I don't have a partner.
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?
Absolutely. My childfree bestie is happily enjoying a childfree relationship with her boyfriend, and my coworker and his wife are a very happy childfree couple.
Define parenthood in one word
Responsibility.
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?
I would be . . . satisfactory. I would work my ass off doing my absolute best to give the kid a good life. But unless this was an adoption situation where I'd fully, consensually, wholeheartedly opted in to being a parent, I think I would be unhappy about taking on so much extra responsibility, and I think the child would pick up on that unhappiness. I worry I'd make the kid feel resented. I don't want that for any kid.
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?
I have cats, but I think the feelings of love and nurturance towards them are different than that which is directed toward a child? Guess I can't say for sure, though.
Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit?
I'm not a kid-hater. I like kids.
Is it hard to find a Child-free partner?
Honestly, I haven't been actively seeking a partner, and even if I was, I am (as mentioned above) kind of open to the idea of adoption (after much discussion and a lot of time to prepare for it) . . . so I wouldn't know.
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?
Childfree is a lot more positive-sounding. "Childless" sounds so bereft. I'm happy living without kids, so "childfree" makes more sense for me.
Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?
Absolutely, but everyone I hang around with is pretty strongly pro-choice, and those who have/have had kids put a lot of careful consideration into it, so it's not something I find myself needing to remind people about much, at least in my immediate social circle.
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?
I'm a Millennial, so either way my twilight years aren't looking like they're going to be so great.
What is the best part about being Child-Free?
Freedom to do as I please, whenever I please, without worrying about whether/how the survival of another being depends on my every action.