Do you dislike children? Yes and no. I dislike babies and toddlers. Between toddlers and teenagers it depends mostly on the child. Teenagers I get along with just fine, and I think part of that is because I don't treat them like kids.
Why did you opt out of parenthood? Two main reasons. First, I'm adopted, and my parents were 35 years old when they brought me home, and that age gap caused cascading problems down the years. I didn't want to wait that long, but in my early 20s I knew very well that I wasn't ready to take on parenthood yet. Between those two conditions, it was obvious that having kids was just not an option. Second... I mentioned cascading problems with my parents. I had no role model for doing it well, and I don't consider a child's life to be something you gamble with.
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision? See above. My parents and I were basically on the outs from about the time I hit puberty, and this did not fill me with confidence in my ability to raise a child myself. I kept thinking, "What if I had a child who was as alien to me as I am to them?" and I didn't think I'd handle that well at all.
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free? From people I know reasonably well, not much pushback -- especially since a lot of my social circle is also made up of childfree people. IME it's worse from total strangers, and I never hesitated to swing back HARD when they started up.
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives? My cousin B (the only person in my remaining family with whom I'm in contact) is childfree. I've never asked why; that's none of my business. Of my friends, most of them are childfree. This is partly because parents don't have time to socialize, so we lose contact.
Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice? That depends a lot on how you're raised. More people are aware of it now than they used to be, that's for sure!
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting? If I know they've been wanting a child, I'm happy for them. If not, I remain neutral. If they seem to be unsure, I will sometimes offer myself as a sympathetic and non-judgmental ear to talk about their feelings and fears with.
What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received? I don't think I've ever had one that wasn't same-old-same-old.
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision? No. And if I were, it's 20 years too late for that.
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant? No. I saw people around me go thru it, and even if they enjoyed it I could never understand why.
Is your current partner Childfree as well? No, he has a daughter from a previous marriage. But he was emphatic that he did not want another child, and she was old enough when we got together that it wasn't a problem. She and I are on good terms. My ex was childfree, and AFAIK has continued to be.
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children? Absolutely.
Define parenthood in one word Commitment.
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not? No, I don't think I would. I don't like babies/young children, and I don't have the patience to deal with the million-and-one frustrations of parenthood competently.
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)? Yes, I have pets. No, I think the whole "substitution/transference" thing is a load of horseshit -- a rationalization made up by (some) people who have children so that they can feel superior to us without any evidence for it.
Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit? I'm not a man-hating lesbian whore.
Is it hard to find a Child-free partner? I don't think it's as hard now as it used to be. When I was dating my ex, the fact that he didn't want children was a HUGE point in his favor; back then, it was easy enough to find men who didn't want children "right now", but much harder to find one willing to say he didn't want children at all. When we divorced, I knew that finding another childfree partner in my age group would be very difficult, and decided to evaluate possible candidates on a case-by-case basis.
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless? Definitely "childfree", because I don't feel is as a lack or a loss.
Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES? Only if/when it comes up in conversation. I don't believe in evangelizing people.
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old? If we had a civilized health care and retirement system, I wouldn't be. (Ask me sometime about my hypothesis of how our current system benefits abusive families, if you feel like reading a long and angry essay!) As it is... I hope for the best and try not to think about it too much, because I still wouldn't have had children for that reason.
What is the best part about being Child-Free? Not having to coordinate everything I do around everyone else's schedule!
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Yes and no. I dislike babies and toddlers. Between toddlers and teenagers it depends mostly on the child. Teenagers I get along with just fine, and I think part of that is because I don't treat them like kids.
Why did you opt out of parenthood?
Two main reasons. First, I'm adopted, and my parents were 35 years old when they brought me home, and that age gap caused cascading problems down the years. I didn't want to wait that long, but in my early 20s I knew very well that I wasn't ready to take on parenthood yet. Between those two conditions, it was obvious that having kids was just not an option. Second... I mentioned cascading problems with my parents. I had no role model for doing it well, and I don't consider a child's life to be something you gamble with.
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?
See above. My parents and I were basically on the outs from about the time I hit puberty, and this did not fill me with confidence in my ability to raise a child myself. I kept thinking, "What if I had a child who was as alien to me as I am to them?" and I didn't think I'd handle that well at all.
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?
From people I know reasonably well, not much pushback -- especially since a lot of my social circle is also made up of childfree people. IME it's worse from total strangers, and I never hesitated to swing back HARD when they started up.
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?
My cousin B (the only person in my remaining family with whom I'm in contact) is childfree. I've never asked why; that's none of my business. Of my friends, most of them are childfree. This is partly because parents don't have time to socialize, so we lose contact.
Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice?
That depends a lot on how you're raised. More people are aware of it now than they used to be, that's for sure!
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?
If I know they've been wanting a child, I'm happy for them. If not, I remain neutral. If they seem to be unsure, I will sometimes offer myself as a sympathetic and non-judgmental ear to talk about their feelings and fears with.
What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received?
I don't think I've ever had one that wasn't same-old-same-old.
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?
No. And if I were, it's 20 years too late for that.
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
No. I saw people around me go thru it, and even if they enjoyed it I could never understand why.
Is your current partner Childfree as well?
No, he has a daughter from a previous marriage. But he was emphatic that he did not want another child, and she was old enough when we got together that it wasn't a problem. She and I are on good terms. My ex was childfree, and AFAIK has continued to be.
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?
Absolutely.
Define parenthood in one word
Commitment.
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?
No, I don't think I would. I don't like babies/young children, and I don't have the patience to deal with the million-and-one frustrations of parenthood competently.
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?
Yes, I have pets. No, I think the whole "substitution/transference" thing is a load of horseshit -- a rationalization made up by (some) people who have children so that they can feel superior to us without any evidence for it.
Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit?
I'm not a man-hating lesbian whore.
Is it hard to find a Child-free partner?
I don't think it's as hard now as it used to be. When I was dating my ex, the fact that he didn't want children was a HUGE point in his favor; back then, it was easy enough to find men who didn't want children "right now", but much harder to find one willing to say he didn't want children at all. When we divorced, I knew that finding another childfree partner in my age group would be very difficult, and decided to evaluate possible candidates on a case-by-case basis.
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?
Definitely "childfree", because I don't feel is as a lack or a loss.
Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?
Only if/when it comes up in conversation. I don't believe in evangelizing people.
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?
If we had a civilized health care and retirement system, I wouldn't be. (Ask me sometime about my hypothesis of how our current system benefits abusive families, if you feel like reading a long and angry essay!) As it is... I hope for the best and try not to think about it too much, because I still wouldn't have had children for that reason.
What is the best part about being Child-Free?
Not having to coordinate everything I do around everyone else's schedule!