Do you dislike children? Not at all. I'm kind of an auntie figure to my best friend's kid. He's great. I have a lot of empathy for children and believe in doing right by them. I just also like knowing I don't have to be surrounded by them 24/7 . . . which, honestly, is just my attitude toward most people, of all ages, in general.
Why did you opt out of parenthood? There are a lot of reasons. I don't think it's a sound decision given my current financial status, I don't think I'm psychologically equipped to raise a child in a way that would allow that child to thrive, I'm really really put off by the idea of pregnancy, I lack any special adoration of babies (like, they're cute, but I don't get any desire to have one when I see one), I'm critical of bringing more children into the world given the massive global issues we're facing re: climate change and socio-political unrest, and I spent a lot of my own childhood feeling responsible for the adults in my life, so I kind of feel like in some ways I want my adulthood to be a reclamation of the childhood I never really got to enjoy. That means getting to live for myself, not someone else.
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision? Kind of, yeah. My parents weren't . . . happy. My brother and I were both wanted (sort of -- my mom really wanted kids, my dad didn't seem to mind either way. I was sort of a "happy accident"), but their marriage was never great and I've always felt like if they'd never had me, they'd have broken up and had better lives. Or at least they wouldn't have been as bad off financially, which might have helped their relationship. There were other problems, too, but that's what I feel comfortable sharing in a public post.
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free? When it comes to people I'm close with, they're pretty accepting. Other folks tend to be of the "Oh, you'll change your mind" or "You'll change your tune for the right man" sort of attitude. Then there's the dudes who are actively trying to suss out if I'm single by asking if I have kids and moving in from there. "Whaaaat? Why don't you have kids?! How does your husband feel about that? Whaaaaaaat? How do you not have a husband or boyfriend?!" I swear, next time I get dragged into one of those conversations, I'm telling him I'm married to the sea.
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives? One of my best friends is childfree. At least one of my coworkers is staunchly childfree as well, and a couple others seem at least contentedly un-childed at present. I'm in good company. :)
Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice? I think they're aware of it on a surface level, but tend to just kind of . . . treat it as one of the life milestones you're supposed to hit.
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting? Happy for them, if it's what they want.
What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received? Can't say I can think of anything specifically ridiculous, myself. Nothing weirder than anything I mentioned above, anyway.
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision? Not really. There are plenty of directions my life could have gone and I don't really have any regrets about not having gone in those directions, either. My life is what I make of it, and I accept whatever comes. I'm honestly even still kind of open to adoption, if I end up with a partner who really really wants kids and can prove to me they'll be a good co-parent and not leave everything up to me.
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant? NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE PREGNANCY IS NO. Like, there's a tiny, tiny part of me that's morbidly curious about what it's like, but the rest of me is just NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE and the tiny curious part isn't that curious.
Is your current partner Childfree as well? Currently I don't have a partner.
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children? Absolutely. My childfree bestie is happily enjoying a childfree relationship with her boyfriend, and my coworker and his wife are a very happy childfree couple.
Define parenthood in one word Responsibility.
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not? I would be . . . satisfactory. I would work my ass off doing my absolute best to give the kid a good life. But unless this was an adoption situation where I'd fully, consensually, wholeheartedly opted in to being a parent, I think I would be unhappy about taking on so much extra responsibility, and I think the child would pick up on that unhappiness. I worry I'd make the kid feel resented. I don't want that for any kid.
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)? I have cats, but I think the feelings of love and nurturance towards them are different than that which is directed toward a child? Guess I can't say for sure, though.
Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit? I'm not a kid-hater. I like kids.
Is it hard to find a Child-free partner? Honestly, I haven't been actively seeking a partner, and even if I was, I am (as mentioned above) kind of open to the idea of adoption (after much discussion and a lot of time to prepare for it) . . . so I wouldn't know.
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless? Childfree is a lot more positive-sounding. "Childless" sounds so bereft. I'm happy living without kids, so "childfree" makes more sense for me.
Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES? Absolutely, but everyone I hang around with is pretty strongly pro-choice, and those who have/have had kids put a lot of careful consideration into it, so it's not something I find myself needing to remind people about much, at least in my immediate social circle.
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old? I'm a Millennial, so either way my twilight years aren't looking like they're going to be so great.
What is the best part about being Child-Free? Freedom to do as I please, whenever I please, without worrying about whether/how the survival of another being depends on my every action.
no subject
Not at all. I'm kind of an auntie figure to my best friend's kid. He's great. I have a lot of empathy for children and believe in doing right by them. I just also like knowing I don't have to be surrounded by them 24/7 . . . which, honestly, is just my attitude toward most people, of all ages, in general.
Why did you opt out of parenthood?
There are a lot of reasons. I don't think it's a sound decision given my current financial status, I don't think I'm psychologically equipped to raise a child in a way that would allow that child to thrive, I'm really really put off by the idea of pregnancy, I lack any special adoration of babies (like, they're cute, but I don't get any desire to have one when I see one), I'm critical of bringing more children into the world given the massive global issues we're facing re: climate change and socio-political unrest, and I spent a lot of my own childhood feeling responsible for the adults in my life, so I kind of feel like in some ways I want my adulthood to be a reclamation of the childhood I never really got to enjoy. That means getting to live for myself, not someone else.
Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?
Kind of, yeah. My parents weren't . . . happy. My brother and I were both wanted (sort of -- my mom really wanted kids, my dad didn't seem to mind either way. I was sort of a "happy accident"), but their marriage was never great and I've always felt like if they'd never had me, they'd have broken up and had better lives. Or at least they wouldn't have been as bad off financially, which might have helped their relationship. There were other problems, too, but that's what I feel comfortable sharing in a public post.
What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?
When it comes to people I'm close with, they're pretty accepting. Other folks tend to be of the "Oh, you'll change your mind" or "You'll change your tune for the right man" sort of attitude.
Then there's the dudes who are actively trying to suss out if I'm single by asking if I have kids and moving in from there. "Whaaaat? Why don't you have kids?! How does your husband feel about that? Whaaaaaaat? How do you not have a husband or boyfriend?!" I swear, next time I get dragged into one of those conversations, I'm telling him I'm married to the sea.
Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?
One of my best friends is childfree. At least one of my coworkers is staunchly childfree as well, and a couple others seem at least contentedly un-childed at present. I'm in good company. :)
Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice?
I think they're aware of it on a surface level, but tend to just kind of . . . treat it as one of the life milestones you're supposed to hit.
How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?
Happy for them, if it's what they want.
What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received?
Can't say I can think of anything specifically ridiculous, myself. Nothing weirder than anything I mentioned above, anyway.
Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?
Not really. There are plenty of directions my life could have gone and I don't really have any regrets about not having gone in those directions, either. My life is what I make of it, and I accept whatever comes. I'm honestly even still kind of open to adoption, if I end up with a partner who really really wants kids and can prove to me they'll be a good co-parent and not leave everything up to me.
(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE PREGNANCY IS NO. Like, there's a tiny, tiny part of me that's morbidly curious about what it's like, but the rest of me is just NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE and the tiny curious part isn't that curious.
Is your current partner Childfree as well?
Currently I don't have a partner.
Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?
Absolutely. My childfree bestie is happily enjoying a childfree relationship with her boyfriend, and my coworker and his wife are a very happy childfree couple.
Define parenthood in one word
Responsibility.
Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?
I would be . . . satisfactory. I would work my ass off doing my absolute best to give the kid a good life. But unless this was an adoption situation where I'd fully, consensually, wholeheartedly opted in to being a parent, I think I would be unhappy about taking on so much extra responsibility, and I think the child would pick up on that unhappiness. I worry I'd make the kid feel resented. I don't want that for any kid.
Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?
I have cats, but I think the feelings of love and nurturance towards them are different than that which is directed toward a child? Guess I can't say for sure, though.
Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit?
I'm not a kid-hater. I like kids.
Is it hard to find a Child-free partner?
Honestly, I haven't been actively seeking a partner, and even if I was, I am (as mentioned above) kind of open to the idea of adoption (after much discussion and a lot of time to prepare for it) . . . so I wouldn't know.
Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?
Childfree is a lot more positive-sounding. "Childless" sounds so bereft. I'm happy living without kids, so "childfree" makes more sense for me.
Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?
Absolutely, but everyone I hang around with is pretty strongly pro-choice, and those who have/have had kids put a lot of careful consideration into it, so it's not something I find myself needing to remind people about much, at least in my immediate social circle.
Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?
I'm a Millennial, so either way my twilight years aren't looking like they're going to be so great.
What is the best part about being Child-Free?
Freedom to do as I please, whenever I please, without worrying about whether/how the survival of another being depends on my every action.