[sticky entry] Sticky: Welcome to Childfree!

Jun. 2nd, 2017 02:22 pm
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Introduce yourself here - I'm a 32 year old British cis woman in a long term relationship and am steadfastly childfree and have no plans to ever change my mind on that!

I'd love to see posts about your experiences as a childfree person, how you deal with the inevitable bingoes (especially if you are married/in a LTR) and any rants and raves you have about negotiating a world that seems to worship pregnancy and parenthood. Hey even let us know all the fun things you get up to that you couldn't manage with a kid or two in tow!

One thing I ask though is no slurs against people who have children or against the children themselves, there are some especially nasty stuff slung at parents, especially mothers and we'll have none of that sort of misogyny (and sometimes racism tbh) here.

[sticky entry] Sticky: Childfree Survey

Jun. 2nd, 2017 02:24 pm
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Answer as many Qs as you wish in the comments :)

Do you dislike children?

Why did you opt out of parenthood?

Do you think your childhood experiences and/or your parents actions influenced your decision?

What is the most common reaction/comment you get when people find out you’re Child-Free?

Do you have any Child-free friends or relatives?

Do you think people are aware that parenthood is a choice?

How do you feel/react when your loved ones announce they’re expecting?

What is the most ridiculous Bingo you’ve ever received?

Are you worried you might one day regret your decision?

(For women) Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?

Is your current partner Childfree as well?

Is it possible to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship without children?

Define parenthood in one word

Do you think you would be a good parent? Why/Why Not?

Do you have pets? Do you think you transfer the nurturing and love intended for a child unto your pet(s)?

Which Child-free stereotype do you not fit?

Is it hard to find a Child-free partner?

Which label do you prefer? Child-Free or Childless?

Do you actively encourage the people around you to think about their reproductive CHOICES?

Are you worried about who will take care of you when you’re old?

What is the best part about being Child-Free?
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
In 2017, there’s still a societal expectation that women will have children, but in reality, womanhood is not synonymous with motherhood.

The most recent government statistics on family size show that just 9% of women born in 1946 had no children. In comparison, 17% of women born in 1970 (currently aged 47) have no children today.

Recent reports indicate that this trend shows no sign of slowing down, with the number of women without children predicted to rise. So isn’t it about time we stopped grilling women on their plans to become parents?

There are a plethora of reasons why a woman may not have children, ranging from personal choice to medical circumstance, and each one of these reasons is equally deserving of discretion and respect.

Here, seven women share their unique stories on living without children to make you think twice before you ask: “So, when are you going to have kids?”

Read More
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Nothing could have prepared me for the invasiveness I face about my fertility plans as a married woman in my late 30s.

What was once an occasional topic of conversation five years ago when I first dated Mike, now my husband, has become a full-blown speculative crisis since we tied the knot in April.

I understand the concern. In our youth, many of us were taught, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage.” There’s no asterisk after the ditty clarifying “these milestones might never be accomplished in this order, or at all.”

Well-meaning relatives touch my arm and ask when we’ll start a family. I bristle at the suggestion, as if me, my sweet fella and our delightful cat aren’t already a complete family. Their faces drop when I break the news that we plan to be child-free.

Read more
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
I saw this guy's post in the childfree tag on tumblr and I couldn't help but respond (apparently I'm in a "correct people who are wrong on the internet" mood cos I annoyed someone on twitter yesterday on a different topic, oops!)

cut for smug parent and tldr posts )
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon

I only found out today that there is an international childfree day and that it is today! They award a childfree woman and childfree man of the year and they've just announced the winners.
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Humans could become extinct if sperm counts in men continue to fall at current rates, a doctor has warned.

Researchers assessing the results of nearly 200 studies say sperm counts among men from North America, Europe, Australia, and New Zealand, seem to have halved in less than 40 years.

Some experts are sceptical of the Human Reproduction Update findings.

But lead researcher Dr Hagai Levine said he was "very worried" about what might happen in the future.

The assessment brings together the results of 185 studies between 1973 and 2011, one of the largest ever undertaken.

Dr Levine, an epidemiologist, told the BBC that if the trend continued humans would become extinct.

Read More

Aside from the doubts expressed in this article by other scientists, they haven't taken into account the fact that not every person even wants to have children, I wonder whether childfree people or people with low sperm counts will have a bigger effect on the possibility of human extinction.

And also I can't say I particularly care if people stop having children and that leads to a severely reduced population tbh.
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon

On nights out, I sometimes catch myself watching my child-free friends. I clock the ease and insouciance of their movements. When they chug a sixth gin and cranberry juice, dance freely without realizing it's 3:00 a.m., catch the midnight showing of a new movie, roll yet another cigarette, or make plans with someone they just met at the bar, they are beautifully impulsive. They have no one to think about but themselves.

My friends remind me of a version of myself that existed only a year ago. Although I worked full time, my out-of-office life was not too different from theirs. I was still the epicenter of my own existence, and proudly so.

(Read More)

Always nice to have a reminder of what you'll lose if you have a child.
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
I like to say that I am ‘child-free’ and not ‘child-less’. The latter implies physiological inability to have kids, a difficult and painful situation for those who want children. It carries all the weight of judgment and pity that lakhs of Indian women (and men) grapple with.

Then there is child-free. An option to live without kids, by choice. As an Indian woman, I rarely get the chance to forget that it is ‘the road less travelled’.

Read morea
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
In America and around the world, another specific group of people greatly value the experience of freedom as well. These are people who are childfree – they have no children by choice. Over the years, I’ve surveyed the childfree on many topics, and one in particular asked respondents to get to the core of the reason they are childfree. I asked people to answer this question: If you could sum up the reason you are childfree in one word, what would it be?

article here
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Some of us want kids; some of us don't—and either of those two options is 100-percent OK. Statistically, the most recent numbers show that more and more American women are having kids later in life, if they're having them at all. In 2016, for example, only 62 babies were born per 1,000 women aged 15-44—the lowest the fertility rate has been since we started keeping track of those things. But for women who choose not to have kids, it can feel like they're fighting a cultural expectation, whether it's through fending off annoying questions about when they'll have kids or adopt with their S.O. or by fielding rude comments about how they're bound to change their mind. But some celebrities who have opted to be child-free are using their platforms to speak out and help shift the cultural mindset—here's what 13 of them have to say about their decision.

(read more)
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
When I got married, I assumed kids would soon follow. You know; love, marriage, baby carriage – that whole thing. My husband and I married at early ages – I was just 22, he was 23 – so we had plenty of time. But my standard “I’m too young” in response to the incessant “WHEN ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO HAVE KIDS?!” queries stopped sounding reasonable around the time I hit 35.

For us, it turned out, the answer was never.

full article here
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Let’s just get this out of the way: I've been married for 13-plus years and don't have kids. My husband and I don't want them, but there’s a lot more to it than that. Before you judge us, or say, "There's still time to change your minds," there are a few things I want you to know about my child-free marriage.

(Read more)
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon

Shame it's Bill Maher, but he makes some good points (though conflating being single with being childfree when there are married childfree people and single people with children is a bit wrong)
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Throughout history, there have always been women who pushed back against the roles society set for them. Suffragettes fought for the right to vote; lesbians fought (and continue to fight) to have their relationships acknowledged publicly and treated equally under the law. But it’s still somewhat taboo for women to push back against the role they have occupied the longest: mother.

Childfree and childless have just one syllable’s difference, but they are a huge chasm apart. To treat all women who do not have children as a single, monolithic group is to ignore the most critical of all questions: why? To parse this, let’s think in slightly longer phrases: childless (by circumstance) and childfree (by choice). A woman who is childless-by-circumstance may want to have children, but could be coping with fertility issues, waiting until her financial situation is different, or trying to find a partner first. Childfree-by-choice women do not have children because they simply have decided not to.

(Read More)
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
People choose to be childfree for any number of reasons. Some make the decision because of past experiences with kids, others because they’ve simply never wanted kids, and others choose childfreedom to offset overpopulation. An overpopulated earth is a large concern to many in the childfree community. I’ve always wondered if that was a valid argument, so now i’m giving it consideration. (read more)
stardreamer: Meez headshot (Default)
[personal profile] stardreamer
My house is for adults only.

We have an annual Chocolate Decadence party, and I routinely tell people that our house is not child-safe; as we have no young children ourselves, it doesn't need to be. Once I had to tell someone that her older children (~8-10) were not welcome because the previous year they had traumatized our timid cat, chasing him around the house and trying to pick him up, and he didn't come out from under the furniture for a week! I don't feel like a jerk about this. I'm not a public entity, and I have the right to make rules about what is or is not allowed in my space. My friends are polite; people with young children who can't afford a babysitter send their regrets.

The writer of the linked article has much less tolerance for children (especially teenagers) than I have. She wants her gatherings to be of and for adults only, having the kind of conversations that bore kids to tears, and not having to worry about what someone else's kid is doing in her kitchen, or about monitoring herself and her friends for "appropriate" language. She is not a jerk for doing this. She has the same right that I have to make rules about what is or is not allowed in her space.

This whole thing is very reminiscent of the arguments about smoking 30 years ago, where smokers insisted that they had the right to bring their pollution everywhere they went and other people just had to put up with it. And although it will be a long time before you see any significant percentage of public establishments saying "no children", people are perfectly within their rights to make that rule in their own homes.
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
It was supposed to be an innocent, throwaway half-hour in the hairdresser’s chair. But when does a pre-wedding blow-dry become the Spanish inquisition? When babies, or lack thereof, are mentioned.

Now, I love a chatty hairstylist as much as the next barnet, but perhaps the rudiments of polite client chat should be covered in training along with the basics of foil highlights. Because things can get boring — and sexist — pretty quickly.

Initially, we talk about the wedding that I am due to attend, and what kind of wedding I might like myself.

“The non-existent kind,” I reply, breezily.
This does not go down well.

“What about babies?” asks the stylist, herself a young mother. (Read more)
stardreamer: Meez headshot (Default)
[personal profile] stardreamer
Hi, I just found out about this community. I'm Lee, age 61, once married and divorced, currently in a LTR for close to 20 years. I made a conscious decision to be childfree shortly after I graduated from college and have never regretted it. People who bug me about it often do regret it! Fortunately, at my age that doesn't happen much any more.

I'm self-employed as a jewelry artist. I live in Houston; my interests include science fiction, science in general, contradancing, cats, and of late politics. I am proudly progressive and consider people who support Trump to be functionally delusional. I support marriage equality, women's autonomy in health issues, social justice for all, and 14th Amendment solutions to social problems.

I was pleased to read the sticky about not tolerating hate speech against parents. I have no objection to OTHER people having children; after all, someone has to! I've had to drop out of some childfree groups because it was like hanging out with the KKK. It's possible to discuss pro-natalist attitudes, social pressure to have children, and discriminatory policies against those who don't without dropping to that level.

Looking forward to reading many fine discussions here!
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon

I just saw someone on Twitter talking about this book, I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales From a Happy Life Without Kids by Jen Kirkman.

Here's a choice quote:

It sounds really good and I'm definitely thinking about adding a copy to my ever increasing pile of must read books!

Anyone have any other books about being childfree that they love/recommend?
wolfpurplemoon: childfree community logo (childfree)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon

Pregnancy is a miserable experience. At least that’s what some pregnant people tell me. Most of them are my patients. I'm an ob/gyn and a specialist in reproductive health, so I know quite a bit about why pregnancy is terrible. I, fortunately, have never had to suffer through being pregnant (thanks, Planned Parenthood!). Nope, I do not want to give birth. Ever.

The fact that there are people willing to vomit every morning for months on end, deal with hemorrhoids from weeks of constipation, and a myriad of other illness-esque experiences amazes me every time I see them for their prenatal visits.

I couldn't possibly explain why someone would do it, so I asked one of my patients, who was so grateful for the care I gave her during her pregnancies that she was willing to write a few words for me. (read more)


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